Not much to report here. In Science news, we will continue to acknowledge Pluto as a planet in the Petard-i-verse. In Sports, I've started teaching a yoga class at my place of employment. We call it underground yoga, and we meet secretly (more or less).

I've also adopted a new intitiative in response to all those international playgirls and playboys at work who cannot open their mouths but to utter a complaint about something that is either a.) an immutable law of nature or b.) something they could easily fix and quit bitchin' about. Henceforth, when a complaint is levied, I'll respond with "yes, that's quite bad, but do you know what I hate? Having feet! I mean, I just wake up in the morning, and there they are! How much more am I expected to take? I'm only human, you know." I can't wait to try it out and report back to you, my loyal readers.

Busy day, busy people. First, church with G-pa, then brunch with the family, then a Mary Kay party at Swims with Dolphin's, whereupon I met a lady with a PINK CADILLAC, CRUSHED VELVET SEATS, RIDING IN THE BACK, OOZING DOWN THE STREET...'Nuff of that.

Hummm, some advice for youngish ladies of the Baltimorian persuasion...well, I'm all out of that, but just remember YOU DON'T HAVE TO DRIVE IT, HONEY WE CAN PARK IT IN THE BACK, AND HAVE A PARTY IN YOUR PINK CADILLAC


PINK CADILLAC

Well, it's very early for a post and I'll explain why: I slept last night on the Potatoes' futon after having imbibed a wee bit too much Apfelcorn. So, for the third time in as many months, I've done the walk of shame without actually having anything to be ashamed of...

And what did we do if nothing to be ashamed of? Settlers of Catan! (Swims with Dolphins won, but only b/c Sweet was off her game.) My dear sister says her friends have more stimulating things to talk about than "do you have any wood?" But when playing with Captain America, it is quite stimulating to talk about wood, heh heh.

And as for my advice: I've finally stopped fussing with the male of the species, and it's a gloriously liberating feeling. Like when I learned how to turn down cupcakes.

Dr. Y, it's up to you to perpetuate our matrilineal DNA.

Again, I've lapsed with the blogging. Although I am indeed an international playgirl, I have a day job, and it's been sucking my will to live again, as day jobs are wont to do. But I'll never bore my faithful readers with details of the day job, except to say I've spent a week with a blood-sucking bat, and I got just what I needed last night in a transfusion of meeting new people, some of whom endeavored to be pleasant and entertaining!

The Potatoes and I met up with Reds and her significant other (S.O.) at THE CAT'S EYE PUB. (The S.O.'s dad was in the band.) Also on hand: the Diva (who sang divinely as ever), two Loyolans, and my new friends from blackmarket yoga class: The Swan and her husband, the Kestrel. I'll 'splain the noms de guerre. The Swan has the most willowy, graceful neck I've ever seen on a woman. Not that I'm a lesbian or Peter and the Wolf or anything. And her husband has a kestrel tattoo (bigger than lifesize) on his leg. They are delights, both.

I did notice that the women at the bar who were not of my party sat silent, looking glazed and coiffed and too cool for school. How come only my girlfriends have lively conversation? I shouldn't like to be a man, I think. I wouldn't want to try and make time with a cold statue with nothing to say for herself. In all fairness, maybe the women are tired or shy. But still, I'm happy that I was with some lively ones last night.

NB: Sweet Potatoe has lost 10 lbs! Congratulations! Soon, I will call her Small Fry. :)

OK...I am back by popular demand with advice for the lovelorn and those wishing to break into public access television.

This week in the Travel section, all the Nader-voting members of the Petard family went to New Jersey! Also road tripping was the sole Spiro Agnew-voting member of mi familia. It was everything a trip to New Jersey can be!

In Entertainment news, I wrapped filming of a interview-style infomercial for a Christian motivational speaker who preaches ABSTINENCE. I got $25 and a wicked case of the heebie jeebies for my efforts. In the Personals section, the director wants my hot bod. He keeps asking me out to dinner, but sadly, he is a.) in his forties b.) twice divorced c.) the father of two and d.) Canadian. Even more sadly, he's quite funny and we get along swimmingly.

And as for the lovelorn, here's something to ponder. Back in November, Q took me on a romantic weekend to New York, and we visited the Metropolitan Museum. I had the chance to go again this week with the family, and a large part of me didn't want to go. But I loved the Met before Q, and I am not a weenie, etc...But this is the key part: Q and I toured the Asian and European Painting galleries. So for this visit, I explored the American Wing, the Darfur temple (or whatever), and the European sculpture garden. The moral of the story is...