My dear friend PaD has recently blogged his "Most Unimaginative Science Fiction Story Ever." I have decided to throw my (anti-gravitational) hat in the (outer) ring (of Saturn). Be warned, though. I find it well neigh impossible to be unimaginative.

In a not too distant future, a man rides to work. He is bipedal. So is his bicycle. His solar-powered bicycle.

His socially-accepted, bicurious friend bikepools with him to their place of work: the Texas Department of Guest Worker Relations.

The man begins his day by greeting the first alien in line. He firmly grasps the alien's green forehead snorkel in his palm and says, "Welcome to America!"

Hold up.

This is waaaay too fantastical.

I mean, ride sharing? I'm hopeless at the unimaginative.

Last week, my boss called me into his office to read me a quote. He'd selected it just for me from the book of sayings that he assaults his underlings with on a daily basis. The quote was:

The woman who thinks she is intelligent demands equal rights with men. A woman who is intelligent does not. -Colette

Then, my boss was like, "True, eh? Eh? Hah, hah, hah. What do you think? True, huh?"

(It was a put-me-in-my-place. I am too uppity.)

I replied, "Colette? She was a prostitute."

[My deepest apologies to Colette. She was only a dance hall girl and a voluptuary.]

And my boss said, "Heh, heh, heh. I don't know who any of these people are. I mean, I went to college, but all I learned was how to make screw drivers in a trash can."

So, in essence, I was told not to think I'm so smart by a man who can make screw drivers in a trash can.

Point taken.

A Disturbing Trend

This past Friday, SwD, Atlas, the Birds, Robin (my boyfriend) and I went to dinner. All went swimmingly until dessert, when dear Robin made a Most Perturbing Observation (MPO). In payment for the aforementioned MPO, I delivered three (3) sharp kicks to Robin's shins. And I got very, very angry.

Later, in the car, I said to Robin, "Remember what you said that made me kick you in the shins?"

In the legal world, this might be called a leading question. You see, I myself did not remember what Robin said that made me so very, very angry. I was hoping he'd say, "You mean when I said your ass is so large that your pants stay up due to gravitational pull? Side clutcher, that was!"

Then, I could say, "Oh, how could you, when you know how sensitive I am about gravitational pull!?"

But no. He said, "Sure don't." So I had to admit that I was angry over something I couldn't remember. This is not what they call "firm ground."

And then today, I discovered my shopping list from the weekend, which reads exactly as follows:

• matches
• detergent
• sho inserts

Yup, sho inserts. As in, "She sho inserts herself into da business of others."

A disturbing trend, indeed.

Things that make me less afraid:

• my dad
• quiet in church so I can tune in to bigger things
• bouncy music
• my sister
• children needing me
• my chiropractor
• snuggling
• being snuggled
• combing horses
• my girlfriends
• driving (especially with bouncy music on the radio)
• my bed at home
• having to be the one who is less afraid when I am with a friend
• tea with milk and sugar

See, there might very well be things to fear, but there are also things to make me less afraid. Or stated mathematically:

f - x = f

X being, as always, tea with milk and sugar.

Happy Moo Year, loyal readers. I hope your celebrations were fitting!

I ushered in '07 with a riotous bout of intestinal flu! Vomited four times in as many hours. Lasagna. Quite something to see.

I'm not sure whether a surfeit of sugary cocktails can cause gastroentiritis, but I'll surely avoid the White Russian-Dirty Girl Scout-Buttery Nipple combination in the future. Egads.

I haven't made any resolutions this year, except regarding sugary cocktails, but I think I will now take the opportunity to do so. Here goes:

• More yoga
• Less worry-wartishness
• Reduced sugar intake
• Increased enjoyment of the present, less dwelling in the past, maintain current levels of fantasizing about the future
• Price new bed to replace old faithful (sag in middle has become quite intolerable)

Oh crap. My resolutions have become a to do list.